I want to break free……..

I think this post will be one of the most weird post from me so far but can’t help. So much is going on in the mind at the moment and had to vent it out somewhere so venting out on my own space.

Today I saw the movie “3 idiots”. The movie has very novel message : do what you feel like doing good and don’t get yourself into the rat race. Aah… so good to hear it but unfortunately not so easy to realize it.

After seeing the movie, I was just thinking of my past. During my early days, I was never sure of what I should be or what I will do after studies? (no shame in admitting it). Only one thing was clear to me that I will take science stream because everyone around me had made me believe that taking commerce stream mean person is duffer and commerce stream doesn’t offer great careers. After getting 12th results, I had almost all the options open for me. But one conscious decision which I took was to avoid medical and not to decorate myself with white apron. So engineering was the only open option to me (because I knew only two options medical and engineering). In engineering also I was not pretty sure which line I should take. I put some 4 years of hard work to earn my engineering degree but the motive behind the hard work was not to acquire knowledge but to acquire fat pay package. In job also, no clear idea about which one to choose. Idea was pretty simple i.e. accept WPM (Whoever pays more). So all n all, it was always situations forced on me. I was not fortunate enough to make choices but situations were making choices for me.

There were two main reasons why situations forced on me :

1. I never had someone to guide me and explain me what is good or bad. So if majority of people around me agree on something, I was tend to believe them and take my decisions according to their belief.

2. Financial state of family was not so prudent for me after I got into the secondary. So motive of improving financial state always affected my decisions.

Previously questioning my soul about whether I’m enjoying whatever I’m doing was out of question. But today with somewhat comforts in the life, this question haunts me. Well for me the answer to this question is definitely not YES. Today, I’m surrounded by bits and bytes but that is not the thing which excites me. (It doesn’t mean that my current work is totally off thing for me but given a chance getting into the IT will definitely not top the list.) As of now, I’m into my current job only because it pays me in dollars, I want to improve my financial status, I want to make some quick money, I want to accumulate money to shape my future ideas, etc. So even though I am not happy, I don’t have any other option except to keep doing what I’m doing right now.  In recent time, I am trying a lot to change the conditions forced upon me so far but no luck yet. So I feel still a lot of struggle left for me to turn the things upside down.

I was also thinking of whether living life on one’s own condition is that easy? Well, I think the answer is big NO. I haven’t seen many people around me who are doing exactly what they want to do. Perhaps one has to be extremely lucky in order to live life on his/her own terms. Otherwise one will spend his/her whole life pissed off between situations and family obligations. Managing expectation is also difficult.

Another issue is getting into the rat race. But frankly speaking if you are not from the well to do family, there is no other option except joining the race. Survival of the fittest rule is getting more and more prevalent now. Being a second is curse. It is very unfortunate but it’s fact of life. Movies like Taare Zameen Par and 3 idiots are not likely to change the prevailing situation upside down. All the hypothetical situations and happy endings shown in movie may not exist in real life. So common man has to find his happiness watching idealistic situations on silver screen.

Below is the lyric of one of the short song from movie. Very touchy (atleast for me) :

सारी उम्र तो मर मर के जी लिये,

एक पल तो अब हमे, जीने दो, जीने दो,

बचपन तो गया, जवानी भी गइ,

एक पल तो अब हमे, जीने दो, जीने दो,

Give me some sunshine,

Give me some rain,

Give me another chance,

I want to grow up once again……

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